Month: May 2019

a doll

“Mama, can you make me a dolly just like the one’s at playschool? And can you make him look like me, with yellow hair and browny green eyes?”

And so, I’m beginning the exciting adventure of making a very first Waldorf doll for my son, hopefully just in time for his fourth birthday at the end of June.

I’m using the pattern “Mitzi” by Mariengold (available on Etsy).

So far, so good. I now just need to pluck up the courage to embroider the eyes and mouth and attach the hair. And then there will be the close to make too. Wish me luck!

May

A close up from above of two skeins of handspun yarn in natural sheep colours of white and grey

Suddenly it’s May. Winter has slowly turned into spring, but for the most part the shift in the seasons has passed me by this year.

Mainly because seven weeks ago, I had a nervous breakdown. It’s only now, almost two months later that I’m starting to recognize myself again when I look in the mirror. Only just now I’m starting to come to terms with the diagnosis given to me by my midwife on the day of my birthday a few weeks after: severe perinatal depression.

Since then, little by little a web of much needed, specialized support has slowly been spun around me and my growing family. I have so far avoided being hospitalized, but I’ve come very close on more than one occasion.
It’s now only seven weeks until my due date, but I’m still feeling so very poorly. My hair is slowly growing back, but my symptoms remain severe and debilitating, leaving me exhausted and incredibly vulnerable. I spend much of my days quietly resting in bed or an easy chair, whilst I patiently wait for my mind and body to gain strength again.

It’s no coincidence this has happened around my 32nd birthday, which means I’ve now reached the significant milestone of twenty long years with Myalgic Encephalitis in my life.

A right hand resting on a white cotton background holds four tightly wound balls of light grey spindle hand spun yarn.

I’m sharing this today because by some strange coincidence it is both Maternal Mental Health month & ME awareness month. I have been finding strength reading honest posts generously shared by other folk in these squares. And so perhaps it may help someone else to know they are not alone too.

Those caring for me keep telling me that in time, with the proper care and support, I will get better. But for now, I’m still feeling very poorly. And I’m also learning to accept that it’s also okay to not feel okay.